Once upon a time it was a lovely day their/there was a woman and a man that had children.The children went and asked their mom/mum an/and dad something so they went and ask/asked what they were go/going to say “Can we go to the zoo please mum and dad?” ask/asked the children then their mum and dad said “yes we can go”. So then Bella said “Thank you mom and dad”, “You're welcome”.
So when they got ready they went inside the car “I am so excited to go!!” shouted Ben. So dad parked the car and then got out off the car and went inside the zoo. When they got inside mum pay/paid to go inside the zoo. They saw a monkey with big eyes and it looked scary and they went and hide. So they went back to the animals and they weren't scared any more. They lived happy/happily ever after.
Good Petra, just make sure that you remember your sentences and don't make them to long. Also you need to add a lot more detail into your writing.
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